Not trouble as in a faith struggle or anything. Pretty much the opposite. I know exactly what I believe (which is good, granted) and I know exactly what my views are (which is the issue I'm having). I'm taking a couple of weeks to step back from church and suss out where I stand with a few things. Sometimes I feel pigeon-holed into thinking things, into having opinions that aren't my own but are a collective world-view that I, as a Christian, should have. I can see where it comes from that getting drunk is wrong, amongst a heap of things that I'm not going into because I'm immature and don't want to get into them.
I can do my best to bite my tongue and have pretend views on these things, simply because I know it's what I'm "called" to believe or whatever. But that's all they are, pretend views. Deep down I don't have a problem with people being gay, especially people that are Christians being gay. If I said that in front of most of the people I know from Church I'd be shot down in a matter of minutes. I cannot make myself have false opinions. Fire as much biblical text as you want at me, flip God could talk to me right now about it and I honestly don't think my mind would change.
Maybe it's because I'm stubborn like that, or don't like being told what to do or what to think. Or maybe it's because I'm not about to start covering up my views with fake ones. It's a dilemma that I need to work out for myself, for the first time I don't think turning to the bible is going to help, but I do think taking a step back from Church will. We'll see!
