Exams are over.

FINALLY a bit of thinking space. I'm not thinking about how they went until August. People (church people) keep saying "It's all in his hands now" but that makes me feel no better I'll be honest. If anything that makes me feel like an even worse Christian than I already feel I am. "Oh but there are no bad Christians" Yeah yeah, I don't say anything right do I?

I'm kind of bored, I said I'd never complain about being bored but I've been left hanging tonight....I haven't been out either of the 2 nights I've been off now which sucks.....I've been getting a lot of jokes made at me recently about going out on the lash and being the one that'll go ape when I go to uni/leave home/whatever happens. Ok, I'm not as rigid as a lot of Christian's are, not that being rigid is bad, but I'm not "Bad". I dunno, it's totally not a big deal I know but it does kind of bother me that people think I'm the person most likely to get wrecked and turn up to Church the next morning.

Have a little faith?

I seriously need to work on that, on leaving things up to God. I'm melting my own brains revising to the point where words don't make sense any more and although there's important information on the page I'm looking at, zero of it goes into my memory. I was really worried about God having a plan, I still am, but baring in mind the verses I read last night - he's got my back. Not that I ever thought he didn't, but to feel like God had a different direction to the only one I want to go in scared me. He knows what's best, and with persistence and a lot of belief, I'll be set in September. No doubt tomorrow I'll have a different mindset, but I'm doing my best to be calm for longer than a few hours (minutes).

4 down, 2 to go. There's so much in my prayers the last few nights it seems trivial even mentioning exams but if there's one thing I've learned over the last year it's this - no matter what the issue or who it involves, like if it's about someone who's ill or a tiny test in school, pray about it. You can't go wrong praying about stuff.



"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4 v 6

Today's revision break, is this post.

Half way to the end, 3 exams to go, summer is on the horizon. Yesterday I got so excited about the prospect of being off school, the thought of going on holiday in 50 odd days as I'm being constantly reminded, the North Coast crowd and chilling the flip out. Today though I just wish I had a few more weeks. It all boils down to how well I've done between Monday past and next Friday and I don't think things are going to plan. Well, my plan, but I'll get back to that in a few sentences. Last year I almost cried after pretty much all of my exams, I thought I'd done pretty terribly in all of them - I was wrong, I managed to pull off AAAB, which was ridiculous. Nobody expected me to get that, well, apart from me (before I started the exams, after, not so much). All I can say is that I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong about how well these are going. Today I had physics, not going to lie, it was a beaut paper, one I could've been in the 90s in, but I didn't have time - as a result I screwed up about half the questions, intending to go back to them, and didn't have time to. It's the most frustrating thing, knowing that given another stab at each question I know I could've arrived at the right answer.

The thought of not getting into Glasgow makes me feel sick to my stomach. I didn't take a rejection from Edinburgh all that well, so goodness knows what not getting into my firm choice would feel like. I've never wanted anything more in my life than to get to uni, do the best I can and then have the knowledge in place to make a difference to people. If I get the grades, I'm told it'll be the best 4 years of my life. Having the thought of my best 4 years still being ahead of me is a pretty sweet one. Well, it was, until I got this terrible feeling that things aren't about to go the way I hope they do. This is the first time Jeremiah 29v11 has scared me. More than scared me, I'm absolutely terrified of life not being my own plan. For 16 years as far as I  needed to be concerned, life would go the way I made it. There was no "destiny" (don't like that word) in place, no plan made for me, things would just pan out as I went. I distinctly remember every day feeling a lot less complicated, or at least, the future feeling like it would be a lot less complicated. But, now it's not in my hands. To be fair it never was in my hands, but now I'm very, very aware it's not. The terrifying thing is, if Glasgow isn't in God's plan for me, it's not where I'll be going. This is a terrible way to feel, but there's no denying that the thought of my plan not matching up with God's makes me want to cry. From past experience though, particularly the end of last year and the start of this one, things I think are absolutely terrible lead onto some of the best experiences and more specifically, people that change your life for the better. The wick time that was September to November lead me into a situation that I wouldn't change for the world. I need to keep remembering that. Even though it kills me that the disaster of disasters could happen come August where I check my UCAS track and have a rejection because I haven't made the cut.

I'm saying this as if I know what's going to happen, obviously I don't. The best I can do for now, is work as hard as I can and pray as hard as I can. With any luck God has some pretty class stuff in store for me in Glasgow. I think I'm most excited about the people I could potentially come into contact with. People God will make me ready for, because being an example is surely the best and most obviously display the love of God. Try and fire the bible at someone who isn't interested and it won't work, but when you act differently to how the world expects you to? That's when people notice. That was when I noticed that there's something very interesting going on in the hearts of Christians. Good luck making sense of all of that!

See how long that post was? Only on study leave are my posts this long! Back to work :)

Today didn't go so well.....

I couldn't have revised more, I prayed about it and did my best - and it still went terribly. I just freaked out after because it matters so much....it got to the point half way through the exam I couldn't even see the clock because my vision went walkabout.

I freaked out at a girl in my year after too, I get along with pretty much everyone in my year except one person.  ....and I pray about them when I can, because that's all I can think to do!

I hear a dog won Britain's got talent...

well done to the dog I guess? I haven't been watching it....or the voice.....or the x factor. Is the x factor even on?

I really don't watch a lot of tv, at all. I only ever watch it if:
a) I'm Bored out of my head
b) Bear Grylls is on
c) Brian Cox is on
d) Film 4 frightfest is on.
e) or New Girl is on.

At the minute none of these things are gracing my screen, so the tv remains off - and that ladies and gents is the story of my tv watching. Cool story, should tell it again sometime!
Aaaaaanyways - what's new? Not a wild pile to be honest, exams are taking over, in the same fashion they do year in, year out. No one shuts up about them, including me. It's grim, no matter what I do I feel like I should be revising, yet here I am, blogging.....

Not going to lie I pretty much have zero to say that's of interest. Not that I usually say anything of interest....shut up! Unless you find the acid catalysed hydrolysis of nitriles to form carboxylic acids remotely interesting, which no matter who you are, you do not. I've reached the point where I'm pretending to revise. Completely pretending. Weh weh weh.

I have it all planned out, I've been doing a lot of questioning with regards to faith etc, I haven't had time to spend long thinking on my own without distractions. I know it's wrong to put God aside, and honestly that's not what I'm doing, but the next 2 weeks present enough distractions to drive me up the left. God factors heavily in all of this, something would be badly wrong if he didn't. But I can't put my head completely into working things out when the dark cloud of revision hangs over EVERYTHING. SO, the plan is, on the 25th of May I get stuck into finding myself some answers. I've said before that I wanted to hang back from Church, but baring in mind now that I'm finished school and have 6 other days in the week to get my head showered, I might not need to do that. I'm aware I'm making it sound like Church is something I need a break from, but it's not exactly like that. I just need less opinions, and to get stuck into things that are more relevant (not that church is irrelevant, but it doesn't always present things at the right time). I also realise that every time I say something I tend to go and contradict myself....shhhh, this helps me....

I have a blue book that's about to contain the many, many, many thoughts that spill out of my head in regard to everything. It's really difficult to word things, in fact I find it impossible to word anything meaningful. In respect to anything....probably why I blog, typing's easier and I can go back and change things so that they're actually what I'm trying to say! ANYWAY, said book will become my ambush of quesions, and the answers to go with them. I had a really cheesy sounding line there that I just took out and replaced, see what I mean, writing is brilliant :P

You can also do this :P as if anyone sticks their tongue out mid conversation in real life?! :P:P:P

Goodbye :)

http://www.anthonynolan.org/What-you-can-do/save-a-life/Online-application.aspx?gclid=CIPS_dCV7q8CFWwntAodcg3D0Q

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-382109/Why-reluctant-donate-bone-marrow.html

Usually I try to drag a few friends along with me when I go to give blood, I have no problem with trying to guilt trip people into coming with me. The same with organ donation. (well, not really, I don’t take people to donate organs because obviously I haven’t done so and when I do, won’t be in any position to badger anyone into doing the same, because I will be dead.) Signing the donor register is a bit more personal than giving blood, but I still try to get my friends to sign on - I can understand, vaguely when it freaks people out about donating eyes especially, but really, you won’t be needing them…..

MOVING ON. I signed the bone marrow donation register with the Andrew Nolan trust yesterday, it took a bit more thought. Bone marrow donation is more similar to organ donation than I thought. You have to be a tissue match (Human Leukocyte antigen match) to donate bone marrow, so effectively matching someone with a bone marrow donor is as difficult as finding an organ.

So that in mind, I thought I’d sign up - they give you the low down on what happens if you’re drafted in and it was far more than I thought it would be. If I’m found to be a match, I have to go on a course of drugs before I donate to stimulate my body’s bone marrow production and then spend 2-3 days in hospital. You then have to take 5 days of rest because while your bone marrow cells regrow you get mega tired. I watched a video on youtube of bone marrow extraction and it doesn’t look fun at all. Having said that, though, that’s hardly a big deal considering that you might be able to help someone that has leukaemia, aplastic anaemia or sickle cell……I won’t be facebooking a link to sign up, because I know a lot of people who would sign up not actually thinking about what it involves. But if you’re reading this, click on that link and have a look. Fair enough if you think it’s not for you, it’s a pretty big deal like, but I think it’s pretty class.


It's really annoying me that the background on this post is white, looks horrible. Oh wait maybe I've fixed it!