A very, VERY good disguise. I can hands down say I have never in my life been this gutted....being rejected from Edinburgh is a huge knockback at this moment in time, and as much as I'm quite frankly devestated, for the next few lines I'm ignoring all of those feelings and focusing on a very much needed chat I just had with someone very close to me.
I'm a Christian, so this shouldn't be new to me. Except it is. God has a plan. He has a huge plan and today was obviously the evidence that Edinburgh is most definitely not in that plan. No matter how much I wish it was, Edinburgh wasn't "Meant to be" as it's been put by several people. Life isn't about me. It shouldn't even REALLY be about me and God. For any Christian's reading this, which no doubt isn't a great number, being a Christian is about more than reading your bible and praying here and there. It's actually about even more than trying to be a good person and not getting wrecked or not having sex before marriage etc etc etc. I'd look up to someone more for sharing what they believe in than to someone who kept the odd commandment and preached at someone like me, who doesn't actually need to hear the gospel. Christianity is about God and THEM (in the wise words of Fanta). The people school or in your house or at your uni or your work, that haven't heard or haven't heard enough about God. For a long time I've called myself a Christian and barely practised what I'm saying. The point of me saying all of this is that I'm tired of seeing people around me who give off stacks if I say the odd swear word, when in actual fact they have no contempt for people and separate themselves from everyone who isn't a bible basher.
God's plan for me is about more than what course I end up doing. It's about the people I'll come in contact with over the next 3 or 4 years. It's about the person I share a flat with that I drag to CU, even though they aren't a christian. It's about the person I meet when I'm doing my laundry that I can start a conversation with and slip in something about God that makes them think (Ok I know that is aiming a bit wide, but I'd make friends with them before I did anything like that). It's that when someone asks me why I'm not drinking, it's not because I'm driving or I have training, it's because I'm a Christian and getting drunk isn't something that I do. And it's when that someone takes any kind of interest and asks another question or when that person thinks I'm a complete twat and slags me off to someone else, that people know what I stand for and by some miracle SOMEONE might by some stretch of my imagination want to know more about why I'm so weird and don't act like everyone else.
The crux of this is, that it's not about Edinburgh and it's not about me. What defines me isn't that on this occasion I wasn't good enough, it's that on this occasion God stepped in and made that decision for me (well, the admissions office at Edinburgh technically did), because he has a direction for me to go in.
The reason more people don't become Christians is because of Christians. Christians like me, who for the last 2 years haven't stepped up to the mark.
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